God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
