just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
