Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
