I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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