I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
