he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
