This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He shit in the fireplace
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
