I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
