The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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