Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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