mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
