The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
