I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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