i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
