Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
