If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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