I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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