Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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