Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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