i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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