Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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