Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
