Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
