Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
