We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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