I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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