what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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