There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
