Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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