He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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