I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
