I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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