i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
