Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
