You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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