hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
