Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
