we have officially lost it.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
