Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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