Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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