Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
