my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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