you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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