My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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