he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
