Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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