Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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