I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
