isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
