I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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