I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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