Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
