Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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