and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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