I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
