so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
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