I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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