okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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