Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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